I have finally met a class that no matter how hard I study, or the amount of hours I put in, my scores don't change. Literally.
Three tests have gone by. Each one brought a further addition of study hours, and still I come out feeling like I took the wrong test. Three scores that read exactly the same.....(or close to)
Someone recently told me they thought this made me "more human". I don't know if that was supposed to make me feel better, but I got to thinking. Maybe I can be ok with this. Maybe I can be ok with not reaching that grade I wanted, or with still not understanding the "different hormones that interact in this or that disease". Just maybe......
I did my best. I didn't give up. Is that "good enough?" Can I let go of my inner perfectionist and just take the hit? Or better yet, can I be happy with the effort that I spent......I guess I will know when it's over.
There is one more test. A daunting cumulative packet of paper that will be in front of my face in the next two weeks. I'm going to put in the same hours, and more. I'm going to review, to study, to work, and not stop praying. And if it so happens that I end up with the same dismal score - I can at least say that I did everything I knew how.
And then burn my textbook :)
